It was a matter of life and death but I figured out I had nothing to lose. I looked at the ring that Kuda had given me for engagement, I ditched it in my purse as he approached me. That night was blend of fear, regret, pleasure and anxiety. I wanted to deny his advances but he was charmingly irresistible.
Well, I thought it was just going to be for a night but rather, it developed into something. Mr. Muroyi had assured me that I would get the job if I did ‘it’ with him. I really needed the job especially after three good years of not missing any interview. Finally, I had the chance of getting employed in a well-paying company and I could not resist it. So, I gave ‘it’ away.
What happens in Rome stays in Rome. Our secret was safe. Mr. Muroyi walked into the office and as he delegated duties, all I could see was that night. It was as if I did not get enough of him. We went for a field trip with other ladies. They began to talk rumors about his divorces, unfaithful life and sickness. One of my colleagues gave me a pat at the back and said, ‘whatever you do, do not sleep with him’. When she said this, I felt a mild shiver run through me.
As if that was not enough, she moved on to say, ‘he is a charmer, right?’ (winking her left eye). I nodded in agreement but deep within me feelings of guilt started accumulating. It was as if she could read the lust in my eyes. Another lady started lecturing me, ‘girl, you have to value your precious body. You are too perfect, too kind and too special that no amount of money can buy access to your body just like that. All these comments left me confused. Do they now know about my deal?’
Days passed into weeks and weeks into months. Then out of a blue I found myself lying in a hospital bed with the attendant telling me that I collapsed at work. When the doctor came, he had good news and bad news. I chose to hear the good first. She said, ‘congratulations you are expecting a girl’ whilst I was still not sure on how to react, she moved on to refer me to the counsellor in the next booth. The counsellor was the one to break the news about my positive HIV status.
The news was a bitter pill to swallow. How do I explain this to Kuda? He had waited so long for the wedding night and eagerly looking forward to our honeymoon. As I was still trying to digest the news. The counsellor continued, “having HIV is not the end of the world, you take your tablets and live a healthy life. You can even give birth to a child who is not infected. It is still important to practice safe sex. You can even have sex with an uninfected person and they cannot catch the virus. Therefore, I urge you to take the best care of yourself. You still have the right to life because you are still a human being.”